New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
