It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
