If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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