ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
