You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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