I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
