I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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