Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
