Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
