1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
