we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
