i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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