Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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