coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
