idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
