good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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