it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize
