She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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