I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
