I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
