I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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