I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
