You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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