FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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