u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
3 2 1 whiskey
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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