I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
