THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
