i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
