But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
