I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
