happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
