I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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