tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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