I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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