Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
