I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
