So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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