sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
