i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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