Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
