Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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