Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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