yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
