Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
