Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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