He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
