if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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