He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just googled if crying burns calories
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
How does one acquire holy water?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
as a side note pls kill me
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
