The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
