who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
