We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Operation Purity has been aborted
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
