I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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