omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
