Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
