Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize