I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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