just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
