I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
someone owes me an orgasm
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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