I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
