This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
