Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
