you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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