remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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