I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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