So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
