I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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