i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
