Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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