My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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