sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
