Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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