Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize